by "Brigid Bishop," a psychic advisor on Keen

Women tend to sabotage their relationships by falling into four basic traps, often brought about by their own misperceptions or insecurities.

An incessant need to know where the relationship is going
It takes men a lot longer to process their feelings than it does women. A woman may feel that a man is the "right fit" very early on, whereas a man may take several months to sort out whether or not he wants the relationship to move forward. Pressuring him to engage in this conversation is the same as pushing him away with all of your might.

His actions speak louder than any words he can offer. Is he consistent and attentive? If so, he wants the relationship to continue to grow. Is he negligent and not thoughtful? If so, why would you want to be with him anyway? There is no need to ask this question of him. Pay attention to his actions instead.

Giving up your own identity and interests
If you abandoned all the activities you love to do in order to focus your time and attention on him, you are well on your way to losing him. Maintaining your interests and individuality will continue to intrigue him. Becoming his shadow will make him feel smothered and he will ultimately become bored with the connection. You have to bring more to the relationship than a mirror image of him.

Investing your interest and energy in a man that you believe you can change
No one ever changes unless they want to. If you don't believe that you can accept him as he is, he is not the right guy for you. If you invest your time and energy in a man and believe that once you are committed you will change him, you are setting yourself up for a huge disappointment. Don't accept anything that you don't find tolerable from the beginning. If it is an adjustment he is comfortable with, he will accommodate you quickly. If he is uncomfortable or stubborn about it, either accept it as part of him, or move on to someone who is a better match for you.

Living for the future
This is definitely not healthy, as we all live in the present. If you are spending much of your time and energy focusing on some distant and imagined future (while experiencing a high level of dissatisfaction in the present), you are wasting your time. If you are not happy now, you are unlikely to be any happier in the future. Why do you even want a commitment from a man who makes you unhappy?

If you really want to know where your relationship is going, call for a Tarot reading and the cards will provide an answer. Ask the right questions:

• What challenges or obstacles will you encounter?
• Are the obstacles between you surmountable or not?
• Will there be commitment issues?
• Are you compatible?
• Will he treat you with respect?

If you like the answers you receive from the Tarot, you need not make any changes to your current path. If you do not like the answers, consult the cards again about what can be done to change the outcome of the reading to one that is more in line with your desires. Sometimes an adjustment to your path can bring about the desired change. Other times, the cards will advise you that no significant improvement to the outcome can be made, and that the situation is out of your hands.

*Excerpted from the blog of "Brigid Bishop" from Keen